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Strategies for Another Sober Holiday
I’ve mostly gotten used to it but there’s still a mental mountain to climb
Memorial Day should be a day of somber remembrance, but for many Americans it’s really a drinking holiday, one of many dotted throughout the calendar year. They hit a little different for sober people.
Over the past few years, I’ve gotten used to spending holidays clutching a seltzer, but I still have to steel myself for these periodic days off, socializing with friends who drink. It still feels like a thing, a little mental mountain to be climbed. I no longer resent it, nor does it feel like hard work exactly. Cheesily enough, I often end up appreciating the practice it gives me. But still, I have to pull out my recovery tricks. Here they are:
- Serenity prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I know, it can seem a bit ridiculous how much people in recovery rely on the serenity prayer — I found it truly alienating at first — but muttering this to myself has calmed me countless times as I’ve learned to live without mood-altering substances. I like it best accompanied by a deep, cleansing breath, although I have also locked myself in a bathroom to say it a few times to my own face in the mirror, as though summoning a sobriety genie. It really is the perfect summation of what I aspire to. The repetition of it, the ritual, is comforting, but so too is the meaning of the actual words.
2. Call a sober friend
Community is the cornerstone of recovery, but it can be hard to reach out and ask for support, especially for those of us who are used to handling everything ourselves. Even though I sometimes still feel sheepish reaching out for sober wisdom, I’m always emboldened by a holiday. I guess it’s more challenging to stay sober on these days and that makes me feel more entitled to ask for help. If I have time to make a phone call, I do. Otherwise, just sending a text checking in, telling a sober friend I appreciate them and that they make me feel less alone, fortifies me. On days when it seems like bonds are being forged by drinking, I like to remember that I’m part of a different, special club.
